The Worst Mary Sue, Like, Ever
by Matatabi-chan
Summary: Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha is just your typical Naruto world Sue, except for one tiny little thing... Nobody is falling for her appalling Sueness! Pure crackfic, hope you guys enjoy!


**Hiya! This is a rewrite of my first story that I wrote when I was, let's see, I think thirteen? It's purely crack, so please don't take this too seriously. Still, do leave a comment if you find any grammatical or spelling errors because I type everything out on my phone, and though I do try, I can't always find the mistakes before I post. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! :)**

Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha was just your average twelve year old girl. Well, average for a Mary Sue at least. Actually, average is quite possibly one of the worst words I could pick to describe her. You see, average leads one to consider words like "mediocre" or "normal" when picturing her, and as you are about to learn, Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha was anything but. Despite a dark and traumatic past, she radiated loveliness and kindness wherever she went. Her heart was as pure as the sparkling crystals she was named after(but with a K to make it unique, of course), and her generosity knew no bounds, as Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha would give anything to help a poor soul in need. Furthermore, because of her tragic backstory, she could relate to the most evil of characte- I mean people, and they would instantly see the kindness shining like a beautiful glowing beacon within her and become good again.

At this very moment, our divine main character begins to awaken. It's a clear, beautiful day(but not as beautiful as Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha herself, obviously) and the early morning sunlight pools through a window onto the sleeping girl's gorgeous face, causing her to slowly arise. The gentle rays illuminate her perfect waist length golden curls that have natural pink and blue highlights as she gracefully sits up in her bed and yawns delicately. She opens her gorgeous orbs and birds begin to sing outside. Her sleepy eyes are framed by long, dark lashes that don't really match her perfectly natural hair color(s) but it's an anime world so I guess anything goes. Ah yes, her eyes. She opens her eyes, birds begin to sing, yatta yatta, anyways, one of her eyes is a glistening blue-turquoise with silver streaks, and her other eye is a glowing, irresistible purple-obsidian that seems to hold immeasurable wisdom. Oh, and did I already mention that she has the Mangekyō Rinnegan Sharingan that she can activate at will? And that her stunning orbs change color depending on her mood? Sorry, I guess I thought you would have already assumed something along those lines by now.

Well back to the story, today was a very special day for Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha. Why, no one asks? I'm going to tell you anyways. You see, today was the day that her academy class was assigned ninja teams, and Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha was simply bursting with excitement. She had only recently enrolled in the Academy, but because of her superior learning abilities, she easily picked up the class material, never mind that it took at least four years for the rest of the students to learn(who knows, Mary Sues work in strange ways).

Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha smiles happily at the thought of being placed on a team with her crush, Sasuke Uchiha. Despite the fact that they shared a last name, she was not whatsoever related at all to the famed and mostly dead Uchiha clan, as the "Uchiha" in her name was added when she magically unlocked the Mangekyō Sharingan at the tender age of four due to tragic circumstances.

Right now, our beautiful protagonist(who has already elegantly gotten out of her king sized bed) casually throws on her ninja outfit, a cute pink crop top with spaghetti straps and a frilly, short, pink skirt that glitters in the light. Finally, she takes her shiny new Konoha forehead protector(which she has already sewn onto a cute new pink fabric to match her ninja outfit) and ties it snugly around her waist, because everyone puts theirs on their forehead and our protagonist is very special and unique. As she gracefully glides down the stairs of her slightly larger than average two story house, Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha breathes in deeply. She can smell the lovely scent of her mother's caramel blueberry pancakes wafting through the air. That's when she suddenly remembers exactly how dead her poor unnamed mother is, and she realizes that there really is no smell of pancakes in the air, but just the sad memories of her dark past rising to the surface.

[insert tragic flashback of Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha's mother (who I think we all know is really just a bad plot device) being brutally murdered in front of her eyes]

Glittering tears well up in the girl's beautiful multicolored orbs. Dejectedly, she slips on her rose gold heeled ninja sandals with pink accents and heads out the door of her house, locking it behind her, and sealing the key into one of the many invisible Fūinjutsu seals she had painted on her arms. After all, it's not like anyone else lives in the house, as her entire family was murdered under mysterious circumstances when she was very little. Despite this depressing backstory that she was just recalling, Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha bravely wipes away the sparkling droplets welling up in her eyes and continues walking towards the academy with a look of determination set across her gorgeous features.

Our exquisite main character glides into the classroom twenty minutes early for team assignments, because of course she's perfect like that. Sighing, she realizes that she's the first one to class and even Sasuke-kun, who is also usually a bit early, isn't here yet. Scowling cutely, Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha walks to an empty seat at the back of the classroom and sits down. Why the back, nobody ever asks, like ever? Well, it's because after years of ninja training on her own, she knows that it's safest for a shinobi to sit with their back to the wall to prevent surprise attacks from behind and observe the room discreetly, and certainly not because she wants to daydream about Sasuke-kun in peace. No, definitely not.

Five minutes later, she suddenly has a shocking thought. "What if… I'm not put on the same team as Sasuke-kun?!" Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha murmurs to herself, glistening orbs wide at the notion that she might not be the center of the universe.

Nobody has entered the classroom yet, so Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha takes a moment to sneak- I mean gracefully glide down to the front of the room. She of course would never very subtly peek around to affirm that the classroom is still empty before shuffling through the papers on Iruka-sensei's desk.

 _"Bingo!"_

And as Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha most definitely does not scan the team assignments, her cute pout doesn't deepen even further into something that might be mistaken for a dark scowl.

 _"I can't believe they put Sasuke-kun on a team with Naruto and Sakura of all people! Those losers will only slow him down! I on the other hand, can guide him and heal his anguished soul!"_

And it was at this moment that Akiko Krystal Heather Rainbow Uzumaki Uchiha of course didn't use some obscure power in her magically blue rinnegan to switch her name on the paper from team 15( _they're just side characters anyways)_ to team 7( _Sasuke-kun needs me to heal him!)._

 **Haha I hope you liked this first chapter! Review if you want me to keep writing this! And as always, thanks for reading3**


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